Do you ever want to run away?

Sometimes I do.  In my worst moments, I can't help but wonder what it'd be like to start a new life where no one knows me.  Just up and move away across the state, across the country, across the world maybe...if that's what it took. 

My husband and I just got in a fight over something stupid and he went to another room, mumbling something about me getting on his nerves I think.

But then the other part of me says, "Destiny - you can't leave your husband, your animals, your family..."

I have an internal struggle going on, as I have so many other times in my 28 years of life.  I wonder if it's just me or if everyone wonders the same things as I do.

The idea intrigues me...of just packing an overnight bag and just driving until my heart tells me to stop.  Begin a new life. New name. New me. New city. New surroundings. New people. New friends. 

Would it be any different?

I've been under stress lately, both with my husband not having a job and his benefits getting cut off in August AND now me not having a job either.  I am not receiving unemployment benefits either, by the way...which I guess is a story for another day I guess.  Short version:  my previous employer is fighting my claim.  I'm going to have to submit an appeal.  I've been out of work since I QUIT (yes, I quit on May 20).

I had been working for the same company for four and a half years as a social worker for developmentally disabled adults.  Long story short:  I got a new supervisor who seemingly wanted to either have me fired or make it so that I'd be so miserable I'd quit.  This lady (and I use that term loosely) and I worked together the whole time I was employed with that agency.  Prior to my husband's accident, she became my immediate supervisor.  I guess it was around May of 2010, which was also immediately before the transition of the program I worked under.  So let's just make this clear.  In May of 2010 I got a new supervisor and essentially a new position.  No raise, just more responsibilities and the expectation to work overtime without compensation.

So things were okay until my husband's accident which was in October of 2010.  In December I finally made the decision to utilize some time through the Family and Medical Leave Act so that I could transport my husband to all of his medical appointments.  This was paid FMLA, by the way.  I had ample sick leave and vacation leave to utilize, so that's what I did.  Things had become increasingly difficult with both the transformation of my job duties and my husband's medical necessities (doctor, physical therapist, counselor, specialist, lawyer, etc.) The way I explained things to my supervisor was that I didn't feel I was able to give 100% to either my career OR my husband and that I thought my husband needed me with him.  She seemed to understand, but...

Almost immediately upon my return from my utilization of FMLA in early February, my supervisor appeared to be discriminating against me for taking said leave.  Expecting more and more from me, but in a roundabout way asking me to work from home nightly without any compensation. 

I had never been written up during my term of employment with that agency, which stated previosuly, was four and a half years, but during the last few weeks I worked there, I had two written reprimands which were submitted to the Human Resources Department.  Yes, really.

That's not all.  Prior to my utilization of FMLA in December, I had spoken to the director of the HR department and informed her of my being discriminated against because of my husband's accident.  The director stated that she'd look into it.  That never happened.  Things just got worse and I was pushed to my limit. 

I gave my notice and resigned from my position after four and a half years.  My last working day with that company was on April 22, a Friday. 

I began my new job after exactly a week to myself on May 2, a Monday.  I quit after three weeks of employment there, on May 20...and have been unemployed since that time.

The reason I quit after such a short amount of time, you ask?  The job posting I replied to...the job I interviewed for with this company...was so completely different from my actual job once I began employment.  And now it's a fight for me to get an unemployment check.  I spoke with the workforce commission earlier today again and she read me a statement written by my employer...saying I was insubordinate that day.  Funny, I have the conversation recorded and that's not at all what took place.  (I have conversations recorded from my employer before that as well.  I was taught well.  I have always been taught to cover my own ass.)

Anyway, the lady with the workforce commission stated that if I receive a decision letter in the mail that I don't agree with -- she urges me to submit an appeal.  Almost in tears, I said, " Yes ma'am, I will.  Being a social worker I've had to do that many times for my clients.  Now, I need to stand up for myself."  And that's so true.  I've spent the past 4 1/2 years fighting for those less fortunate than myself.  But now that I'm not the most fortunate one, I need to fight for myself.  Like I tell so many people, if I don't fight for myself...no one will.  Even if I'm standing alone, I'm not the type of person to lay down and die.  I've always been a fighter and I'm pretty sure I always will be.

On a similar note regarding employment.  I still have not been paid for the three weeks I was employed with that company.  I have contacted them daily since my payday, which was supposed to be on May 31...and have yet to receive an adequate explanation as to why my check is two weeks late.  I was forced to report this company to the Department of Labor.  I anticipate this entire battle will continue to be ugly. 

Good thing I am not easily intimidated.