"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are just too bright...and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice...but still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty that they're gone."
-Red in the movie "The Shawshank Redemption"
"Alis Volat Propiis" or in English, this Latin phrase means "to fly by one's own wings." I actually have this as a tattoo because it so strongly fits who I am. I've always been independent.
And we have a sign hanging in our house that says this: "If I had my life to do over again, I'd find you sooner so I could love you longer."
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Blog Challenge - Day 4 - My Favorite Book
I know the previous entry was a little lengthy, but since I'm so many days behind on my 30-day blog challenge, maybe I should be a little more brief.
I really enjoyed White Oleander by Janet Fitch, although I can't say the same for the movie based on the novel. Watched it with my husband one day it came on t.v. Pretty boring if you ask me. That seems to be the case for many novels turned into movies.
I really enjoyed White Oleander by Janet Fitch, although I can't say the same for the movie based on the novel. Watched it with my husband one day it came on t.v. Pretty boring if you ask me. That seems to be the case for many novels turned into movies.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Blog Challenge - Day 3 - My Favorite T.V. Show
This one is also a difficult "favorite" for me. Not because I have too many shows to choose from, but more like not enough that I think are that great...definitely not many worthy of being a "favorite," ya know?
I guess lately I've been most "into" shows on Discovery Fit and Health, because they're interesting and sometimes I find myself actually learning something. Other channels on my list would be Travel and History, on occasion.
And, who am I kidding? I love Guy Fieri's Food Network show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." Okay, so I can't leave Paula Deen's, "Paula's Home Cooking" off my list either, because I love to watch her show when I get the chance.
I don't know if anyone else enjoys watching this show, but "Hoarders: Buried Alive" has to be on my list. I think some people may like this show because it's just hard to believe someone can allow their home to get this "out of control." Some people may like it just for the fact that, let's face it, we all like to see someone who is worse than we are. I mean, you might think your house is messy, turn on this show, then comparitively...your house is clean.
I think this show is sad. First, I believe that these "hoarders" suffer from a psychological disorder. There has to be something deeper going on with these people. In fact, in several episodes of this show that I've watched, the "hoarders" have lost someone close to them, and in turn, are attempting to fill the void in their life by collecting stuff.
I know where these people are coming from. Not that I'm a hoarder, but I unfortunately do know what it's like to lose someone close to you. I come from an immediate family of four, meaning, growing up it was my mom, dad, my older sister, and myself. I lived 21 years of my life with this being the case. At that time, almost 7 years ago, my life changed drastically. My sister passed away at the young age of 28 from what the corroners believed to be a brain anuerysm that finally burst. In a moment, my life as I knew it was turned upside-down as my only sibling left this world.
My life changed at that point. In fact, it might even make the most sense to say that I began a new chapter of my life at that point. Or even a new life, if that's even possible. I mean, take everything you've known for the first 21 years of your life and throw it out the window. Start at square one, because life no longer makes sense for you. That's how I felt.
So to these "hoarders," who have lost a family member or spouse...I'm sorry. I know it's hard, but it will get better. There is help for you out there.
I always like to look at the bigger picture. What made these people begin this lifestyle? When did it get out of hand? What can others do to help them?
I know that when my sister passed away, my parents left her room untouched. They are just now, with my help, going through my sister's things...after almost 7 years...so that I may sell them. But other people aren't fortunate enough to have family members close enough to help them get their lives in order...to sort through the chaos.
Losing my sister was the most difficult part of my life thus far.
I also would like to leave you with this: Things are not always what they seem.
I guess lately I've been most "into" shows on Discovery Fit and Health, because they're interesting and sometimes I find myself actually learning something. Other channels on my list would be Travel and History, on occasion.
And, who am I kidding? I love Guy Fieri's Food Network show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." Okay, so I can't leave Paula Deen's, "Paula's Home Cooking" off my list either, because I love to watch her show when I get the chance.
I don't know if anyone else enjoys watching this show, but "Hoarders: Buried Alive" has to be on my list. I think some people may like this show because it's just hard to believe someone can allow their home to get this "out of control." Some people may like it just for the fact that, let's face it, we all like to see someone who is worse than we are. I mean, you might think your house is messy, turn on this show, then comparitively...your house is clean.
I think this show is sad. First, I believe that these "hoarders" suffer from a psychological disorder. There has to be something deeper going on with these people. In fact, in several episodes of this show that I've watched, the "hoarders" have lost someone close to them, and in turn, are attempting to fill the void in their life by collecting stuff.
I know where these people are coming from. Not that I'm a hoarder, but I unfortunately do know what it's like to lose someone close to you. I come from an immediate family of four, meaning, growing up it was my mom, dad, my older sister, and myself. I lived 21 years of my life with this being the case. At that time, almost 7 years ago, my life changed drastically. My sister passed away at the young age of 28 from what the corroners believed to be a brain anuerysm that finally burst. In a moment, my life as I knew it was turned upside-down as my only sibling left this world.
My life changed at that point. In fact, it might even make the most sense to say that I began a new chapter of my life at that point. Or even a new life, if that's even possible. I mean, take everything you've known for the first 21 years of your life and throw it out the window. Start at square one, because life no longer makes sense for you. That's how I felt.
So to these "hoarders," who have lost a family member or spouse...I'm sorry. I know it's hard, but it will get better. There is help for you out there.
I always like to look at the bigger picture. What made these people begin this lifestyle? When did it get out of hand? What can others do to help them?
I know that when my sister passed away, my parents left her room untouched. They are just now, with my help, going through my sister's things...after almost 7 years...so that I may sell them. But other people aren't fortunate enough to have family members close enough to help them get their lives in order...to sort through the chaos.
Losing my sister was the most difficult part of my life thus far.
I also would like to leave you with this: Things are not always what they seem.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Blog Challenge - Day 2 - My Favorite Movie
Okay, this is another tough one for me. I'm not good with picking favorites, as you probably can tell. The following are some of my favorite movies, again, in no particular order:
-Shawshank Redemption
-Forrest Gump
-The Blind Side
-Radio
-Up
-Monsters, Inc.
-Shawshank Redemption
-Forrest Gump
-The Blind Side
-Radio
-Up
-Monsters, Inc.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Blog Challenge - Day 1 - My Favorite Song
I have so many favorite songs and for so many different reasons. In no particular order, here are some:
- "Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton. This song is definitely on my list, as it's the first song I remember singing as a toddler. My aunt remembers a two (or so) year old Destiny singing this song all the time when she'd come over to visit. Really a little risque for such a youngster...lol...but I've always been mature for my age. My mom says I never wanted to play with other children because I preferred being a part of the adult conversation. I've been told I have an old soul. Sometimes I wonder what exactly that means...
- "A Broken Wing" by Martina McBride. Martina McBride is one of my favorite singers. Everything I've ever heard her sing is the epitome of awesome. Such a powerful voice. I always loved singing this when I'd go to karaoke nights at the bars in my college days.
- "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. Might as well put this on the list, even though I already said I love everything she sings. Many of her songs are about overcoming...beating the odds. Personally, I love songs with deeper meanings. Many songs today are so shallow and boring. I love when people sing about issues that really matter. And I love it even more when you can tell that they're passionate about what they're singing.
- "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw and made famous in the movie "Flicka," which I have yet to see. My dad is not an emotional man. He rarely shows any emotion...rarely expresses himself. I'll never forget that he gave me this Tim McGraw c.d. for one of my birthdays several years ago with a card that read something like "You'll always be my little girl. I love you." I remember never hearing this song prior to that birthday. I recall listening to it in my truck immediately after my visit with my parents...and balling uncontrollably because of the sentiment. So sweet. Needless to say, this was our "father-daughter" dance at my wedding in 2009.
- "Unchained Melody" by LeAnn Rimes. Yes, I realize she was not the original artist, but I love her voice. I've always been somewhat jealous of her accomplishments. She's living my dream. This song is just so beautiful on so many levels.
- "When I said I do" by Clint Black with his wife, Lisa Hartman Black. This was my first dance with my husband. Beautiful duet by a couple who appear to be so in love.
- "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" by Nirvana. I love Nirvana and this is one of the least well-known songs, I'd say. When people ask my favorite Nirvana song, this is always my reply. The lyrics are different, but I love Kurt Cobain's powerful voice. Nirvana is still one of my all-time favorites.
That should be it for now, even though there are many other songs I could add to this list. I love music. Music has always been able to change my mood. Music plays (no pun intended) a large part in my life.
- "Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton. This song is definitely on my list, as it's the first song I remember singing as a toddler. My aunt remembers a two (or so) year old Destiny singing this song all the time when she'd come over to visit. Really a little risque for such a youngster...lol...but I've always been mature for my age. My mom says I never wanted to play with other children because I preferred being a part of the adult conversation. I've been told I have an old soul. Sometimes I wonder what exactly that means...
- "A Broken Wing" by Martina McBride. Martina McBride is one of my favorite singers. Everything I've ever heard her sing is the epitome of awesome. Such a powerful voice. I always loved singing this when I'd go to karaoke nights at the bars in my college days.
- "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. Might as well put this on the list, even though I already said I love everything she sings. Many of her songs are about overcoming...beating the odds. Personally, I love songs with deeper meanings. Many songs today are so shallow and boring. I love when people sing about issues that really matter. And I love it even more when you can tell that they're passionate about what they're singing.
- "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw and made famous in the movie "Flicka," which I have yet to see. My dad is not an emotional man. He rarely shows any emotion...rarely expresses himself. I'll never forget that he gave me this Tim McGraw c.d. for one of my birthdays several years ago with a card that read something like "You'll always be my little girl. I love you." I remember never hearing this song prior to that birthday. I recall listening to it in my truck immediately after my visit with my parents...and balling uncontrollably because of the sentiment. So sweet. Needless to say, this was our "father-daughter" dance at my wedding in 2009.
- "Unchained Melody" by LeAnn Rimes. Yes, I realize she was not the original artist, but I love her voice. I've always been somewhat jealous of her accomplishments. She's living my dream. This song is just so beautiful on so many levels.
- "When I said I do" by Clint Black with his wife, Lisa Hartman Black. This was my first dance with my husband. Beautiful duet by a couple who appear to be so in love.
- "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" by Nirvana. I love Nirvana and this is one of the least well-known songs, I'd say. When people ask my favorite Nirvana song, this is always my reply. The lyrics are different, but I love Kurt Cobain's powerful voice. Nirvana is still one of my all-time favorites.
That should be it for now, even though there are many other songs I could add to this list. I love music. Music has always been able to change my mood. Music plays (no pun intended) a large part in my life.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Do you ever want to run away?
Sometimes I do. In my worst moments, I can't help but wonder what it'd be like to start a new life where no one knows me. Just up and move away across the state, across the country, across the world maybe...if that's what it took.
My husband and I just got in a fight over something stupid and he went to another room, mumbling something about me getting on his nerves I think.
But then the other part of me says, "Destiny - you can't leave your husband, your animals, your family..."
I have an internal struggle going on, as I have so many other times in my 28 years of life. I wonder if it's just me or if everyone wonders the same things as I do.
The idea intrigues me...of just packing an overnight bag and just driving until my heart tells me to stop. Begin a new life. New name. New me. New city. New surroundings. New people. New friends.
Would it be any different?
I've been under stress lately, both with my husband not having a job and his benefits getting cut off in August AND now me not having a job either. I am not receiving unemployment benefits either, by the way...which I guess is a story for another day I guess. Short version: my previous employer is fighting my claim. I'm going to have to submit an appeal. I've been out of work since I QUIT (yes, I quit on May 20).
I had been working for the same company for four and a half years as a social worker for developmentally disabled adults. Long story short: I got a new supervisor who seemingly wanted to either have me fired or make it so that I'd be so miserable I'd quit. This lady (and I use that term loosely) and I worked together the whole time I was employed with that agency. Prior to my husband's accident, she became my immediate supervisor. I guess it was around May of 2010, which was also immediately before the transition of the program I worked under. So let's just make this clear. In May of 2010 I got a new supervisor and essentially a new position. No raise, just more responsibilities and the expectation to work overtime without compensation.
So things were okay until my husband's accident which was in October of 2010. In December I finally made the decision to utilize some time through the Family and Medical Leave Act so that I could transport my husband to all of his medical appointments. This was paid FMLA, by the way. I had ample sick leave and vacation leave to utilize, so that's what I did. Things had become increasingly difficult with both the transformation of my job duties and my husband's medical necessities (doctor, physical therapist, counselor, specialist, lawyer, etc.) The way I explained things to my supervisor was that I didn't feel I was able to give 100% to either my career OR my husband and that I thought my husband needed me with him. She seemed to understand, but...
Almost immediately upon my return from my utilization of FMLA in early February, my supervisor appeared to be discriminating against me for taking said leave. Expecting more and more from me, but in a roundabout way asking me to work from home nightly without any compensation.
I had never been written up during my term of employment with that agency, which stated previosuly, was four and a half years, but during the last few weeks I worked there, I had two written reprimands which were submitted to the Human Resources Department. Yes, really.
That's not all. Prior to my utilization of FMLA in December, I had spoken to the director of the HR department and informed her of my being discriminated against because of my husband's accident. The director stated that she'd look into it. That never happened. Things just got worse and I was pushed to my limit.
I gave my notice and resigned from my position after four and a half years. My last working day with that company was on April 22, a Friday.
I began my new job after exactly a week to myself on May 2, a Monday. I quit after three weeks of employment there, on May 20...and have been unemployed since that time.
The reason I quit after such a short amount of time, you ask? The job posting I replied to...the job I interviewed for with this company...was so completely different from my actual job once I began employment. And now it's a fight for me to get an unemployment check. I spoke with the workforce commission earlier today again and she read me a statement written by my employer...saying I was insubordinate that day. Funny, I have the conversation recorded and that's not at all what took place. (I have conversations recorded from my employer before that as well. I was taught well. I have always been taught to cover my own ass.)
Anyway, the lady with the workforce commission stated that if I receive a decision letter in the mail that I don't agree with -- she urges me to submit an appeal. Almost in tears, I said, " Yes ma'am, I will. Being a social worker I've had to do that many times for my clients. Now, I need to stand up for myself." And that's so true. I've spent the past 4 1/2 years fighting for those less fortunate than myself. But now that I'm not the most fortunate one, I need to fight for myself. Like I tell so many people, if I don't fight for myself...no one will. Even if I'm standing alone, I'm not the type of person to lay down and die. I've always been a fighter and I'm pretty sure I always will be.
On a similar note regarding employment. I still have not been paid for the three weeks I was employed with that company. I have contacted them daily since my payday, which was supposed to be on May 31...and have yet to receive an adequate explanation as to why my check is two weeks late. I was forced to report this company to the Department of Labor. I anticipate this entire battle will continue to be ugly.
Good thing I am not easily intimidated.
My husband and I just got in a fight over something stupid and he went to another room, mumbling something about me getting on his nerves I think.
But then the other part of me says, "Destiny - you can't leave your husband, your animals, your family..."
I have an internal struggle going on, as I have so many other times in my 28 years of life. I wonder if it's just me or if everyone wonders the same things as I do.
The idea intrigues me...of just packing an overnight bag and just driving until my heart tells me to stop. Begin a new life. New name. New me. New city. New surroundings. New people. New friends.
Would it be any different?
I've been under stress lately, both with my husband not having a job and his benefits getting cut off in August AND now me not having a job either. I am not receiving unemployment benefits either, by the way...which I guess is a story for another day I guess. Short version: my previous employer is fighting my claim. I'm going to have to submit an appeal. I've been out of work since I QUIT (yes, I quit on May 20).
I had been working for the same company for four and a half years as a social worker for developmentally disabled adults. Long story short: I got a new supervisor who seemingly wanted to either have me fired or make it so that I'd be so miserable I'd quit. This lady (and I use that term loosely) and I worked together the whole time I was employed with that agency. Prior to my husband's accident, she became my immediate supervisor. I guess it was around May of 2010, which was also immediately before the transition of the program I worked under. So let's just make this clear. In May of 2010 I got a new supervisor and essentially a new position. No raise, just more responsibilities and the expectation to work overtime without compensation.
So things were okay until my husband's accident which was in October of 2010. In December I finally made the decision to utilize some time through the Family and Medical Leave Act so that I could transport my husband to all of his medical appointments. This was paid FMLA, by the way. I had ample sick leave and vacation leave to utilize, so that's what I did. Things had become increasingly difficult with both the transformation of my job duties and my husband's medical necessities (doctor, physical therapist, counselor, specialist, lawyer, etc.) The way I explained things to my supervisor was that I didn't feel I was able to give 100% to either my career OR my husband and that I thought my husband needed me with him. She seemed to understand, but...
Almost immediately upon my return from my utilization of FMLA in early February, my supervisor appeared to be discriminating against me for taking said leave. Expecting more and more from me, but in a roundabout way asking me to work from home nightly without any compensation.
I had never been written up during my term of employment with that agency, which stated previosuly, was four and a half years, but during the last few weeks I worked there, I had two written reprimands which were submitted to the Human Resources Department. Yes, really.
That's not all. Prior to my utilization of FMLA in December, I had spoken to the director of the HR department and informed her of my being discriminated against because of my husband's accident. The director stated that she'd look into it. That never happened. Things just got worse and I was pushed to my limit.
I gave my notice and resigned from my position after four and a half years. My last working day with that company was on April 22, a Friday.
I began my new job after exactly a week to myself on May 2, a Monday. I quit after three weeks of employment there, on May 20...and have been unemployed since that time.
The reason I quit after such a short amount of time, you ask? The job posting I replied to...the job I interviewed for with this company...was so completely different from my actual job once I began employment. And now it's a fight for me to get an unemployment check. I spoke with the workforce commission earlier today again and she read me a statement written by my employer...saying I was insubordinate that day. Funny, I have the conversation recorded and that's not at all what took place. (I have conversations recorded from my employer before that as well. I was taught well. I have always been taught to cover my own ass.)
Anyway, the lady with the workforce commission stated that if I receive a decision letter in the mail that I don't agree with -- she urges me to submit an appeal. Almost in tears, I said, " Yes ma'am, I will. Being a social worker I've had to do that many times for my clients. Now, I need to stand up for myself." And that's so true. I've spent the past 4 1/2 years fighting for those less fortunate than myself. But now that I'm not the most fortunate one, I need to fight for myself. Like I tell so many people, if I don't fight for myself...no one will. Even if I'm standing alone, I'm not the type of person to lay down and die. I've always been a fighter and I'm pretty sure I always will be.
On a similar note regarding employment. I still have not been paid for the three weeks I was employed with that company. I have contacted them daily since my payday, which was supposed to be on May 31...and have yet to receive an adequate explanation as to why my check is two weeks late. I was forced to report this company to the Department of Labor. I anticipate this entire battle will continue to be ugly.
Good thing I am not easily intimidated.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I could use a cash cab right about now.
So I'm watching "Cash Cab" right now wondering where these cabs were when I needed a ride to my dorm room in college 'cause I was underage drinking on 6th street in Austin?! I could have used the money, but let's be honest - I was probably too drunk to answer most, if not ALL of these questions. I would have most definitely been booted out of the cab after three strikes.
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